I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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