Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
P.S. I can't hear my feet
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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