He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
either way he was missing a nipple.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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