Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
