Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
