Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
