he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
