get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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