I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Randomize
