i permit you to call me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
