I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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