3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize