he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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