He kissed a someone with a penis
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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