Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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