Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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