dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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