its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
