its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
