it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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