she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize