So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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