There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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