I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize