did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Randomize
