I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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