when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
