How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is Oprah even human
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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