I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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