My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
