I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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