I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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