WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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