I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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