Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
