What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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