where am i from again
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
