So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
