she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i believe in u and ur pee
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
