My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
