With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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