I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
