Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize