Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
