And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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