He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
