I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
