after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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