I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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