I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
