and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
