Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
