well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
