stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize