You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
