Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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