He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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