I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
