i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
