Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize