Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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