ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
