Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
