We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
handjob tips. give me some.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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