I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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