I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
