Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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