It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
