I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize