Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
