I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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