"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can you repeat that, but with context?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
