No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
