I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
