Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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