so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
