I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
