Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
