You smell like stripper and shame
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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