I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
