no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
