This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
