the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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