my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
