I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
