kristin has been a bad kristin
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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