I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
