I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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