I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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