bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
