She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
