wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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